Do you ever feel like crying?
You finally sit down just to feel a wave wash over you, and, suddenly, it’s as if the tears are catching up to your eyes.
But, why?
I feel sad. I want to be with someone, but not to say anything. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to listen. I want to sit. Quiet.
I want to feel. Love. Know that I am loved.
So, why do relationships sometimes feel like rejection? Why does companionship sometimes feel like alienation? Why do people at work have to be so impossible?
I want to cry. I can feel the tears behind my eyes. I feel exhausted. My being craves rest.
I reflect on things that have happened in the past few weeks, days, hours. Difficult situations at work. Difficult situations with friends. People. Trying to make sense of it all. Decisions. Questions.
Then, I remember.
The one who can fill my heart like it longs to be filled.
I remember that peace is mine for the keeping. That the love I crave is not a hopeless promise.
My dear friend said, “Sometimes it’s not that I need to know the answer, I just need help through the process.”
Help.
I need help.
Deep breath, as I remember that I have a Friend who holds the universe together with His word. A friend who is not only capable, but, willing, to help me- whenever, with whatever I may face.
I am not alone.
And, His love. Aww, His love.
I remember.
That I am loved. That I love. That I love Him. That He loves me.
At first, the word seems dry on my tongue. It seemed so absent at work today, Love. And, yet, He never left me. Always here.
Lord, your love, You replace my pain with comfort. You make the suffering of this life seem trivial. My tears have found a home in the safety of your precious heart. I relax in You. I am safe forever in you. You relieve me.
Written December 30, 2006.
Learning to Love 